wisdom is not mine

I’ve spent a couple of years tossing around the idea of blogging. I already journal on a regular basis, so blogging seemed a natural outflow of that.

My great fear is writing what I don’t live. Writing is hard, but it’s much easier than living. Having had the privilege of growing up in the church, I know a lot of theology. I can spout off pretty words, true words, without much thought and even less action.

In other words, I make a great Pharisee.

So I’ve held off. Even now, I feel unworthy to attempt to write anything of value. Go read Piper or MacArthur or Challies or the Puritans or the hundreds of other Christian writers who’ve faithfully walked the narrow road.

Talking about theology is intimidating, isn’t it? But it’s the stuff of the Christian life. It’s the stuff of life no matter what you believe, actually. We live in God’s world, so theology matters. Political hot-button issues (yeah, I heard that shudder) boil down to who the ultimate authority is. The cosmos shows us our finiteness, pointing to the infinite Creator. History teaches us of man’s corruption and the brevity of life and makes us ask “Why did that have to happen?”– the question that forces us all to look up from our mundane lives to the heavens. We can’t avoid it.

I can’t talk about life without talking about the God who caused it. So I may fail along the way. I will definitely be a hypocrite (although I’ll try hard not to) because that’s what it means to be a sinful human being.

In the sea of voices crying out different worldviews, I want mine to be a voice for truth: no matter how faint, no matter how fallen, I want to faithfully proclaim the gospel in my living and my writing.


on the road

Waiting has been a theme in my life to this point. A year ago today I was waiting to see where my family would move. The years before that were spent wanting to grow up, go to college, be part of a stable church, have friends, and be in a relationship.

The only one of those that have come to fruition so far is the growing up. College was an unsuccessful flop and the other three are still in God’s hand.

So today I continue to wait, only this time I’m no longer in my home town and the future seems even more uncertain than it did then.

Between leaving college and leaving there, I’ve felt homeless the last several months. Even though being here is better, I still feel like I’ve been displaced. Thanks to social media, I can watch from a distance as people who were once my peers and friends finish their degrees, travel to exotic places, start relationships and get engaged. Their lives have moved on, and I’m just… here. Definitely off whatever track everyone else is on.

And because my idea of God’s goodness is small, I find myself wishing that his plans overlapped with mine.

I have to keep reminding myself that my being where I am is not an accident. This is not God’s second-best for me. For whatever reason, today is what he is using to make me more like his Son and to bring glory to himself. I need to trust in his wisdom and not my own (Proverbs 3:5).

So be glorified in this wait, Lord. Help me to seek your face.


“Believer, if your inheritance be a lowly one you should be satisfied with your earthly portion; for you may rest assured that it is the fittest for you. Unerring wisdom ordained your lot, and selected for you the safest and best condition. A ship of large tonnage is to be brought up the river; now, in one part of the stream there is a sandbank; should some one ask, “Why does the captain steer through the deep part of the channel and deviate so much from a straight line?” His answer would be, “Because I should not get my vessel into harbour at all if I did not keep to the deep channel.” So, it may be, you would run aground and suffer shipwreck, if your divine Captain did not steer you into the depths of affliction where waves of trouble follow each other in quick succession. Some plants die if they have too much sunshine. It may be that you are planted where you get but little, you are put there by the loving Husbandman, because only in that situation will you bring forth fruit unto perfection. Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there. You are placed by God in the most suitable circumstances, and if you had the choosing of your lot, you would soon cry, “Lord, choose my inheritance for me, for by my self-will I am pierced through with many sorrows.” Be content with such things as you have, since the Lord has ordered all things for your good. Take up your own daily cross; it is the burden best suited for your shoulder, and will prove most effective to make you perfect in every good word and work to the glory of God. Down busy self, and proud impatience, it is not for you to choose, but for the Lord of Love!

“Trials must and will befall–

But with humble faith to see

Love inscribed upon them all;

This is happiness to me.”

Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening, November 11 (emphasis mine)


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